Loving Yet
by Schizzar
Summary: Zack can't sleep because the guilt is killing him. So he takes comfort in the only person who can give it. Rated T for a bit of limey-ness. If continued, the rating will go up.


**I have no idea if this is going to turn into a story. If it does, cool. If it doesn't…it will at some point most likely. **

Zack was unsure of why he was there, standing in front of the door that led into Sephiroth's gigantic suite that took up half of the forty eighth floor. He just knew that it was there he would find the consolation he needed. He took a deep breath and knocked on the door, letting his hand fall afterwards and staring at the door, watching it open slowly, revealing the silver haired general.

"Zack. What are you doing here at-" The general glanced back into the room, presumably at a clock. "One in the morning?"

"I couldn't sleep," Zack mumbled, staring at his feet.

"Okay. Anything I can help you with?"

"I...want to talk about Angeal," Zack said quietly.

Sephiroth froze and Zack could've sworn the temperature got ten degrees colder. "Come in then."

Zack followed Sephiroth into the apartment and for the first time, he looked at Sephiroth. It was odd seeing the general clothed in black satin pajamas, much less daunting than the leather outfit he was usually seen in.

_Gaia Zack, what were you expecting? Leather pajamas?_ He scolded himself internally, switching his gaze to the room he now stood in. After entering they were in a medium sized living space, a flat screen T.V. on one wall, a couch on the other with a coffee table in front of it, just far enough away to stretch one's feet out on. All in all it looked nice but there was something unnerving about it all. It was too clean. Everything seemed…unlived in. Then again, he was used to a messy room with clothes thrown on the ground and only cleaned when he ran out of clean clothes.

"Take a seat," Sephiroth said, his voice breaking through Zack's thoughts.

"What, oh yeah," Zack said, moving and sitting down on the couch. Sephiroth disappeared through an archway and into the kitchen, leaving Zack in awkward silence.

He returned with a single cup of coffee and placed it in front of Zack, taking the small sugar cup and spoon, placing three spoonfuls in.

"How did you know that's how I liked it?" Zack asked, genuinely curious.

"Angeal always told me how specific you were with your coffee," Sephiroth answered, walking around the table and sitting down beside Zack.

"So why don't you have any?" Zack asked.

"I don't need it. You wanted to talk about Angeal?"

Zack stalled by taking a sip of the coffee and finally turned to look at Angeal, forcing himself to meet the emerald green eyes. "I know you know that I killed him and I…just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"You are forgiven Zack. That is not all you want to talk about though," Sephiroth said, using his uncanny ability of reading people to expose Zack instead of letting him run away.

"Uh, yeah," Zack admitted. "I…you're the only one I can come to about this and I just…can't sleep anymore."

"Insomnia?" Sephiroth guessed, a slight frown on his lips.

"Nightmares."

"Of killing Angeal," Sephiroth said, nodding. "I don't see how I can help."

Zack broke their eye lock, staring down at his lap and fighting back the tears that were threatening to well up in his eyes and spill over. "I just need someone to talk to and you were the first person I thought of. I feel safer around you then any of the others."

Sephiroth nodded again. "You can stay here if you would like. I can add something to your drink to make you sleep, if that would help."

"Yes…thank you," Zack murmured. "Sleep sounds good. Sleeping forever sounds even…better."

Sephiroth froze in his motion of moving up, understanding the implications in Zack's words. "You wish to die as well?" His voice was soft, a hint of accusation in it, almost as if he thought he was about to be betrayed.

"I don't know…"

Sephiroth sat down completely, facing Zack and saw the younger man's shoulders shaking. He was unsure of what to do in this situation so he tentatively reached out, bringing Zack forward and embracing him hesitantly. Zack didn't react at first but slowly, he wrapped his arms around the general's waist, pressing his face into his neck as his unbidden tears began to run.

Sephiroth wasn't a complete social idiot; he knew that the best thing he could do for Zack was to hold him close and make him feel safe. He barely wanted to admit it, even to himself, but he got some sort of sense of security by holding the other man close to him. He mourned for Angeal's death but unlike Zack, he couldn't find the strength to cry. It seemed like Zack was crying, for the both of them.

"Sorry," Zack mumbled. "I feel like an idiot."

"As do I," Sephiroth said quietly.

"For what?" Zack sniffled. "You're amazing and flawless."

"I can't cry when my friend dies but you can. I must admit, I am a bit jealous," Sephiroth said softly.

"Being able to cry should be natural," Zack murmured into his neck. His tears had ceased but he didn't want to move away just yet. "But…you aren't like most people. Not that that's a bad thing. I wouldn't want you to change."

Sephiroth began to pull away, becoming slightly unnerved by the embrace. "I'll go get you the sleeping potion."

Zack watched him get up and nodded. "Thank you."

(INSERT BREAK HERE)

Sephiroth picked up the unconscious Zack and carried him to the master bedroom, lying him down on the crisp sheets and staring down at him. The worry lines were relaxed by sleep and Sephiroth couldn't help but reach out and gently stroke the still healing wound from Angeal's weapon.

Zack stirred, leaning into the touch. Sephiroth swallowed as his stomach gave a small flip. What was this sudden feeling of his heart in his throat? The sudden feeling to touch Zack…again. He stroked Zack's soft skin, watching as Zack's head turned so his lips touched the general's finger tips. Sephiroth's breath caught and he ordered himself to move his hand but his body wasn't obeying him any longer. He traced the supple lips, mind wondering what it would be like to taste them.

_What…what am I thinking?_

He snatched his hand away finally and began to grab the sheets to pull over Zack before stopping again. Zack looked…lonely. Now he knew he wasn't thinking correctly. His body was trying to reason with him and make him get in the bed next to Zack. Yes, he was sick. Perhaps it was time to visit Hojo. Then again…maybe not. Maybe it would be okay if he just…slept beside him. Yes, that was fine.

(INSERT BREAK HERE)

_Mmm…it's warm. And…is that hair tickling my face?_ Zack opened eyes, his pupils widening as he realized he was being cuddled gently into Sephiroth's chest, a few stray hairs tickling his nose. _When did this happen?_

"Uh…Sephiroth?"

"Yes, Zack?"

Zack chewed his bottom lip. "Is there uh…any reason you're cuddling me?"

"It happened without me realizing it," Sephiroth answered.

Zack stared at Sephiroth's neck, trying not to look at the slightly exposed chest just a few inches down. "And you're awake…and not letting me go."

"I didn't want to wake you up."

"I am awake now," Zack said.

"Yes, yes you are."

Silence descended over them and Zack finally let his gaze slip down, staring at Sephiroth's well muscled chest, at least what he could see of it. It was beautifully sculpted, like an actual statue, made of ivory.

"I don't want to move," Zack admitted.

"Me neither."

Zack moved closer, unsure of why he was. He couldn't deny his attraction to Sephiroth, at least not to himself. He had always been attracted to Sephiroth so being close to him like this was…amazing.

"Thank you…for listening," he finally mumbled.

"It was no problem."

"I don't want to work today," Zack said quietly, his voice a soft whine.

"Then consider yourself relieved of duty," Sephiroth said, smirking down at Zack when the other man looked up at him. "I'll go call them now and tell them you need some time to sort things out. It is true after all."

"And what about you? What's the excuse for you?" Zack asked, grinning.

"I'm Sephiroth. That should be enough," Sephiroth told him, a small twitch of his lips indicating a smile.

Sephiroth moved then, slipping out of the bed and disappearing out of the room, leaving Zack with a strange sense of longing.

(INSERT BREAK HERE)

Zack spent the rest of the day being spoiled by Sephiroth. He only left the bathroom to shower and relieve himself. The rest of the time he lay in bed beside Sephiroth. The man read aloud out of a copy of Loveless, his voice lulling Zack into a half asleep bliss, erasing his mind of the problems he was having inside. At some point, Sephiroth made lunch, awakening the other Soldier.

"It feels good to do nothing for once," Zack commented.

"Yes, I have realized relaxing is nice, when I can manage it," Sephiroth agreed, slipping back beneath the covers.

"You need more relaxing than I do," Zack said. "I think this is the first time I've seen you relax, even a little bit.

"Hojo says relaxing isn't necessary to kill," Sephiroth told him calmly.

"Hojo's fucking insane," Zack grumbled. "I think you need it more than I do."

"I cannot change who I am nor how I was raised," Sephiroth told him.

"I don't want you to change really," Zack said. "Just relax." He leaned against Sephiroth's shoulder as he spoke.

"May I be blunt with you?" Sephiroth suddenly asked, looking down at Zack.

"Uh, sure," Zack said, a little put off by the abruptness of the question.

"I am finding myself strangely attracted to you," Sephiroth said, emerald eyes burning into Zack's azure ones.

"Uh…" All words abandoned Zack then and he tried to think of a response. He was happy that Sephiroth desired him but that didn't mean Sephiroth _loved_ him; he didn't even know if the general knew what love was. "In what way?" Zack asked, finally finding his voice.

"I desire to be with you and to hold you. It is why I wanted to hold you when you were sleeping," Sephiroth said. "I don't know if I love you. I have had no experience in love. But I do desire you."

"You desire my body then," Zack said, unable to stop the hint of disappointment.

"Yes. That is true."

"I want you too," Zack admitted, moving away and sitting up. "I've wanted you since I was a third. Angeal tried to help me get over it but I just started to become more attracted to you."

"Angeal tried to help?" Sephiroth asked, raising a fine silver eyebrow.

Zack's eyes widened. "Not like that! He made me fight you in training and simulated it so you would say…mean things. It was for my own good so I don't blame him. But it still hurt."

"I don't think badly of you. I think very highly of you, Zack. You are every bit of Angeal's student," Sephiroth said, reaching out and stroking the small scar.

Zack, in a trance, turned and kissed Sephiroth's palm. Electricity zipped through Sephiroth's arm and he suddenly grabbed Zack, pushing the raven onto the bed. Zack's eyes closed when Sephiroth bit his neck, nibbling and tasting the smooth skin. He had no idea why he was doing this, why he suddenly felt the need to possess Zack, but the way Zack was now whimpering encouraged him.

Zack wasn't totally sure what was going on but the way Sephiroth's mouth worked over his flesh was driving him insane. All thoughts that had been causing him pain were dashed from his mind when Sephiroth's touch.

"Seph, I…it feels so good," Zack hissed, combing his hands through silken hair as the delicious mouth suckled on his neck.

His voice seemed to bring Sephiroth out of his haze and he sat up abruptly, already at the door before Zack could process he had left. When he sat up, he saw Sephiroth leaning against the doorway, away from him, shuddering.

"Sephiroth."

"My apologies, Zack. I couldn't stop myself," Sephiroth said quietly.

"I…like making you lose control," Zack said, face heating when Sephiroth turned to look at him.

"I have never been with someone before. Ever. I can't trust myself with you," Sephiroth said. "Besides, you are mourning; I can't take advantage of you."  
"Didn't you hear me? I've loved you forever. It isn't just longing for someone to comfort me that is making me say this. Trust me," Zack said, staring into his eyes.

"Zack, this is not a good idea," Sephiroth warned.

"Oh come on. I want you and you want me. What's the problem?" Zack demanded, sitting back on his heels.

"I have never been in a relationship, Zack."

"So let me teach you," Zack said, a begging tone entering his voice.

"I…" For once Sephiroth didn't know how to answer. He wanted Zack but he didn't want to unintentionally hurt him.

Zack stood and crossed the space between them, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I'm not a puppy anymore."

Sephiroth slowly moved his hands to grab Zack's waist, the feeling of his heart in his throat returning. His eyes stared at the soft, supple lips he was only moments away from claiming. Zack understood he couldn't love him just yet so it was okay to kiss him, right? He leaned forward just a bit, bumping the tips of their noses together before finally, their lips met.

Zack relaxed into Sephiroth's lean body, the tension leaving him in a rush. Neither moved after that, connected by their lips, drinking one another's taste in as Sephiroth tried to still his beating heart. Finally, Zack gently moved his lips against Sephiroth's, swiping a tongue across his lips to get a better taste without scaring the general away.

Sephiroth pulled away, staring into Zack's eyes.

"You understand what this means now, right?" Zack asked softly, a hand slipping beneath Sephiroth's silk shirt and stroking his chest, finally resting over his heart. "I won't stop until I claim this."

"I know," Sephiroth said softly.

Zack looked back at him, pressing his lips once more to Sephiroth's softly. _You will love me yet._


End file.
